Let me start by saying that this is multi purpose blog that I have been meaning to write since birth. With that little nugget out of they way we've learned two things: I exaggerate. I procrastinate. By the end of this blog I hope to be way better at one and only mildly improved on the other. I set low expectations for these kinds of things, better not to disappoint myself. Now that the gibberish is out of the way I would like to state the purpose of this blog or should I say purposes? Now that the gibberish is out of the way, I would like to state the purposes of this blog.
Reason 1. To Document My Epic Weight Loss Experience.
Those of you who know me well and and have known me long, know that I was not always this size. My body at best can be described, nowadays, as plump which is tragic considering what I used to look like. I would say a mix of Kim Kardashian's top and butt with Sarena Williams' legs (exaggeration). With that in mind, it is quite obvious that I have let myself go cause the only thing that is Kim Kardashian/Sarena Williams-esque about me is my inordinately round ass. So I need to lose weight. Who doesn't? Like, 51.6 pounds. This is the first and last time that I will ever admit my weight but seeing as how I am admitting it on a blog site, there is absolutely no point in trying to release it into to atmosphere never to be heard again because once I type it out, it's there. It's public. There's no un-publishing it. You can't un-fire a gun or un-hear something or un-know it (procrastination). I guess at this point I'm bullsihtting 199.6 so I'll stop.
Anyway, my goal is 148 or actually I should say safe weight cause my goal is 150 but I need to go 148 so when I gain water weight during the worst week of my life every month I don't go over my goal weight of 150. I know, I'm fucking crazy. Whatever. So I said all that crap to say that I will be writing about the trials and pitfalls of my diet and exercise routine on this here blog so that my friends ad family can stay abreast of the absurdity I'll have to endure to lose all that weight in 6 months. I'm giving myself the deadline of my 27th birthday to be utterly fabulous and absolutely in shape.
So, I'll do Weight Watchers and exercise at least five times a week. I am not looking forward to this but I gotta get in shape. My boyfriends body gets more ripped and toned everyday and my gets softer and less attractive with every cake pop and white chocolate mocha coffee drink. FAIL. Did I mention he's a model. Fuckery.
Reason 2. My sister is superwomen and I want to see if I can be too.
I guess to document that as well. She cooks. Everyday. She cleans. Everyday. She worksout. Everyday. She looks flawless. Everyday. I need to get my shit together and start being a better girlfriend. Have I mentioned my boyfriend is a model? And I want to add a point of clarification here. My boyfriend is fucking awesome. He practically worships the ground I walk on so I am doing this as much for him as I am doing it for myself. It is unfair that he runs around looking like Vin Diesel when I look like Nell Carter (exaggeration). I want to stop having to tuck and lift and suck things in. TMI.
Anyway, women in the 60's, a la June Cleaver, cooked, cleaned, and stayed in shape, though June and the Beave started in the late 50's and then went into the 60's. And technically, in the 60's women were a lot more progressive and free spirited. There was an entire revolution going on. I guess the 50's would be more of the cooking and cleaning era. Hm. Well Super 60's sounds way better and I'm totally married to the name now so there's that. I digress. Anyway, I really want to do it. I want to see if I can cook at least 6 days a week, workout, get into great shape and keep my room clean.
Keeping the room clean might be the toughest of all things I am aspiring to, considering that I have at one point or another in my lifetime conquered all of the things I am taking on EXCEPT for keeping a clean room. I am chronically dirty. I think I actually have an aversion to cleanliness. I think it's to do with the fact that my mom is a neat freak and made us clean EVERYTHING when we were kids. I guess I am raging against the machine. I love you mom :)
So here's the challenge. For the next sixty days I will cook, clean, and get into tip top condition. Now I know that getting into shape will take longer than 60 days but here's hoping that doing something for 60 days actually turns it into a habit.
Let me lay everything out so that it's clear.
I am taking an oath to do the following:
Cook: I will cook at least six times a week. For the next 60 days.
Clean: I will clean my bedroom and bathroom and retain a level of cleanliness that would be appropriate enough for company to visit without me having to shove week old dirty drawers under the bed and find a place for the pile of mail that I opened but didn't go through and that is currently sitting in a heep, wedged between my nightstand and the wall, slowly but surely creeping it's way down to the floor. For the next 60 days.
Get in Shape: I will follow Weight Watchers if it kills me. I will lose weight. For the next 60 days. I will try to maintain a positive attitude about this although as I am typing it I realize that my intentions are a smidge ambitious and I might live to regret this oath by as early as oh, say, noon tomorrow.
The Oath: I, Alicia Taylor, do solemnly swear to adhere to the above terms to the best of my ability, for the next 60 days. On days that I fail to adhere to the guidelines I shall bathe in self-loathing and sulk accordingly.
Signed,
Alicia L. Taylor